Inmate, calm down, do not struggle, or else...

Phew, another week juz passed like a streak of lightning. Maybe it's due to the fact that for the past 5 dayz, it's basically CNR CNR & more CNR...

Yeah man, I had fully recovered from my blueness, all thankz to my 'counsellor'. I finally can smile, can lame & can joke for the whole of this week. I also realised that after the blues, somehow or rather, my fighting spirit had elevated to another level. I am GOOD TO GO! =)

8 MORE WEEKS!!! KEEP UP THE FIGHTING SPIRIT!!!

St John's Island, @ last it's over...

Finally it's over... Been planning for the trip for the past 1 1/2 months or so and @ last, the event is over. I can finally heave a sigh of relief when we boarded the ferry back to Singapore. On the whole, I feel that the event is successful because I think even if my game that tires out everybody, but the enjoyment and laughter is still there. Some of the pics I had taken over in SJI today...

Cohort 02/2005 together wif trainers @ Marina PierCohort 02/2005 picture taken @ SJI

Cohort 02/2005 @ St John's Island

SJI Committee members

Back row L-R: Joseph, Lau, Liu Zhi Qiang, Wee Beng, Mark

Centre Row L-R: Suryanti, Li Xian, Ai Jie, Me

Front Row L-R: Iskandar, Wei Leng

Last but not least, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Zhi Qiang... Hope you did enjoy yourself today. =)

Feelings...

I am fragile, jaded to life
I dare not anymore, look into eyes
For in the eyes I see no me
Only the harshness of reality

-Cindy-

This is actually part of a poem written by a friend of mine describing herself. As this week is coming to an end, I realised that I am being stucked in the same situation. The more I tried to face reality, the harsher it appeared to be. I am losing my self-esteem, I am losing my self-confidence, I am falling fast into this bottomless pit... Yes, I am blue and to a certain extent, I am depressed. I know for sure, no one can help me except for myself...

The other nite when AQ sms me, I replied her in this manner "I do not wanna ruin your mood but in my personal opinion, I feel that if there isn't any important stuff to tell me, it's best to save your sms for other usage".

I do not understand why she wanna sms me that nite, didn't I make myself clear the other time?......

Thankz for the ice-cream treat, but you are sneaky... =P

Hey hey, when did you become so sneaky? =P

Went for ice-cream this afternoon @ J8's Haagen Daz. Ordered a Vienna's Black Forest (consisting of 1 scoop of chocolate ice-cream and 1 scoop of brandied cherry ice-cream) but to my disappointment, they have run out of brandied cherry. Eventually, I still place the same order, just that I changed the chocolate to macademia nuts an brandied cherry to strawberry shortcake. Hehe, still have my fair share of indulgence and I finally satisfied my craving for Haagen Daz ice-cream.

Thankz for the treat though, but I was supposed to be the one treating you. I was caught off-guard when you went to settle the bill on the pretext of changing your ice-cream favour. Sneaky sneaky you, I shall have my 'revenge' someday. =P

In the game of seduction, do not fall in love...

10 more weeks to go before I pass out officially from my BOC...

Had the assessment for the CQDT on Monday and well, everything went smoothly in my opinion, juz that I did not execute my break-fall properly and in the end, I landed on my left elbow. Was pretty painful when I woke up on Tuesday and I have no choice but to report sick. Went to CCK Polyclinic for x-ray and thank goodness, no bone was cracked as to what the doctor suspected when he first saw me...

Time trial for 2.4km b4 we booked out, managed to clock 10min 46sec and I know I still have a long way to go b4 I can get my gold. If I can slash off 47sec in a month's time, then gold should not be a main issue. My target now? Aiming to break the PSTS' trainees record of chin ups.

Next Wed is my progress test and honestly speaking, I am only 10% thru my revision. Oh shit, how am I supposed to pass my test? Hmm, gonna use this long weekend to read thru all my notes siah...

BTW, the title of this blog was quoted from a good buddy of mine from my cohort. He told me he read this sentence once and I felt that the sentence really fits me to a T during my blue period. I guessed @ the end of the day, I am still unable to remain totally rational when it comes to the affairs of the heart. Am I going to get hurt again? Hmm, I hope not but it really taught me a lesson to guard my emotions well.

Lastly, Happy Birthday to sQueeek. Sorry that I am unable to join you for the dinner but I believe the rest of the guyz should make it a memorable one for you. =)

Wherever I go, dark clouds follow me...

Went for a recce trip @ St John's Island today as I am 1 of the game masters for the trip on the 21st April. Kinda burn my Saturday but on the whole, not a bad experience because I managed to get ideas for my game.

Mood is still blue, in fact, bluer than last week... Dark clouds seem to be following me whever I go. Guyz, I am sorry if my mood does affect you people. @ times when I didn't wanna share my thots, it's not because I dun trust you people but I juz need some solace and peace. Please pardon my quietness and a smile-less face for the past 1 week... I am trying to set my emotions right...

I am blue, I am weary, I have no more strength to go on...

Finally managed to force some tears out from my eyes before I slept last night. All the fustrations, all the disappointments and all the unhappiness unfold in front of me when I started to weep...
Made it clear to her via sms that it's time for me to stand my ground firmly. I do not want to be a stumbling block in her path and therefore, I had to go. Also in reality, I am weary, really really weary... I don't think I can go on any further...